Afraid

Doing that which I am not qualified to do. This is an awful thing to be afraid of because it inhibits you so much you don't stretch and grow. It is also inhibiting even when you are qualified because you might prove yourself to be unqualified. For example; I got married when I was 19. Definitely unqualified to be a wife, but I was too young to know that so I was undaunted. Church callings were my real undoing. My first calling was to be the primary chorister. I should have been qualified, I could sing and I attended Primary so I was well mentored. I made my thermometer chart for singing loudly or softly, colored some pictures for visual aids, and off I went. One problem. I was shy. I can't project, and my mouth and limbs don't seem to work right when I am nervous. I know they were children and loving adults, but I couldn't get this information to calm my brain. I awkwardly stumbled my way through the calling for several weeks and then much to my relief we moved.

My next calling was a joint calling with Don. Marriage and Family life. I had been married less than a year. Definitely unqualified! With Don by my side and a manual in had we taught. I'm not sure we enlightened anyone but we showed up and taught.

Pregnant and still young we moved to California and the boundaries of the San Diego 13th ward. I don't know where bishops get their information but the put me in the Relief Society as a teacher! Let me remind you at this juncture that I am shy, awkward, and unexperienced. The worst Sunday in that ward was when they asked me to substitute for Gospel Doctrine. I think Don told them yes because I can't imagine I would have agreed. What I wouldn't have given for the internet.

Am I still afraid to teach; not totally.

Am I still afraid of things I'm not qualified for - Definitely.

However, time, experience, and knowledge have suppressed the all our sickening panic I might have once felt. Now it's just quiet dread and a little anxiety, and still sometimes shy.

Homes

I went to a writing class and the assignment was to list all of the homes you have lived in and then write about one of them. I have lived in 17 homes and chose to write about my second home in Layton, Utah. We moved to Layton when I was 4. It was a bit of a traumatic move because I had to go to a babysitter that I didn't know. I think my neighbors in Nyssa babysat me on occasion but now my mother was working full time and school hadn't started yet. The house was a single level red brick home with a basement. The boys slept in the basement on bunk beds and the girls were on the main level. I don't think I spent much time in my room because I don't remember anything about it. My favorite rooms were the living room and the kitchen. The living room housed the TV! We would all gather around at the appointed hour to watch the Wonderful World of Disney and Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom with Marlin Perkins. Mom would pop popcorn and/or make fudge for us to snack on while we watched our shows. When the television wasn't on I still liked being in the living room because it had very accessible floor vents that I could sit on in the winter to keep warm. I would squat down and spread my dress over the vent and it would fill up, like a hot air balloon, with warm air.

My other favorite room was the kitchen. It was the hub of activity and with 11 people living in the house there was a lot of activity! I remember early mornings, watching my mother make lunches for her crew. 22 slices of bread spread out on the counter to make 11 sandwiches. She often forgot that I didn't like butter on my bread, but who could blame her. I always wanted P&J or tuna with pickles. How did she manage to grant all of our request? The breakfast treat that she treated us with the most was toasted homemade rolls. She would split the rolls leftover from the day before, spread them out on a pan, and put them in the oven that was set to broil. Since I loved sitting by the warm open oven door my job was to watch the rolls to make sure they didn't burn.

The other room I remember vividly was the laundry area in the basement. My mother did a lot of cooking and a lot of laundry and I think I must have been her little shadow because I remember these two rooms so well. One summer we had wasp in the basement and one stung my eye. I was terrified to go down there again, but it probably didn't take long before I did as it was a great way to escape the summer heat. the laundry had to be hung out of the clothes line so up the stairs we would tromp to hang out the clothes. My job was to hand Mom the clothes pins, which she didn't really need me to do because she had big pockets on her apron. When I got tired of laundry I would play in my mothers vegetable garden poking at the mud, inspecting the plants, and looking for bugs. Oddly enough the front stoop was another favorite spot. It was shady in the afternoon, you could watch the cars and people passing by, and it had 2 steps going up to it so it made a wonderful stage for my sister and I to play on. We moved to Arizona when I was 7, but I grew fond of that home in those 3 short years.

A Short Night and a Long Morning

I can't mention a car being stolen and not post the story. Fortunately it was such an amazing story I wrote it down. Here it is:
May 5, 2008
Don and I were jolted out of our sleep at 3 am by a pounding knock on our door. It took us a minute to gain complete consciousness and understand that we needed to answer the door. We both went, peeking through the peep hole first. Police! Don opened the door and a policeman asked us if we owned a purple Honda Accord. It's really blue, but looks purple in certain light so we just acknowledged that we did and let it go. At that question my second adrenaline rush raced through my body. Where was Paige? The officers next question was, "Where is it supposed to be parked?" I ran to Paige's room and threw open the door. Paige was sleeping, undisturbed by the commotion at the front door. (Huge sigh of relief.) I happily reported that my daughter was sleeping in her bed. Don accompanied the policemen, in his pajamas (good thing we wear them) to the street to the location where Paige's car should have been parked. It was not there. The policemen then shared that the car was found in Chula Vista, about 35 minutes south of our home, and they would call us back later with more information. Fifteen minutes later we received a call from the same policeman giving us a case number and telling us to go back to bed because it would be a while before they arrested the people who stole the car, and that drugs were involved. Who could sleep after 2 adrenalin rushes?
The phone rang again at 4:45 am, this time it was the Chula Vista police asking us to come get our car. If we didn't come right away they would tow it and we would have to pay $120. Since Don works in Chula Vista he decided he would go to work extra early, so he showered and dressed for work, and off we went. The car was at the Good Nite Inn off the E Street exit. The contents of the car were strewn everywhere, and some things were in the hotel room. Nothing was missing except for a ring that was in the drink holder. We showed ID, signed a few papers, Don went off to work, and I drove the car home. Paige never wakes up to her alarm so I called her on my way back breaking the news to her that she wouldn't be going to seminary because she didn't have a car. The car felt violated so as soon as I got home I got out the shop vac and cleaned up the car. 7:00 am, May 5, 2008, Don is at work, Paige is on her way to school, and I am thinking about taking a nap!

Should I Be Worried?

My youngest daughter is one of the joys of my life! I thought it would be awkward having just her home alone for two years, but it ended up being tons of fun. She has always been easy going, so even eating dinner with just the three of us was fun. So why should I be worried? It's because of Trouble. Trouble seems to follow her. When she got her drivers license we gave her Curtis' old car to drive; a periwinkle blue 1994 Honda Accord. It was a cheap but reliable car that was inexpensive to insure. After Paige started driving the car the following things happened to the it. It's window was broken by a vandal, it was stolen, and while parked it's drivers side door was hit by a hit and run driver. Paige was driving my car while her Honda was being fixed, for the latter incident, when someone ran into the back bumper of my car while she was in class at night school. They didn't leave a note. While driving Byron's car when he was gone for the summer she drove to BYUI for the 4th of July weekend. Someone ran into the back bumper of that car; they didn't leave a note either. A few weeks later before summer school got out someone else ran into the side door of Byron's car while it was parked in the Helaman Halls parking lot where she was living during the summer. Shock! They left a note! Finally someone else's insurance could pay the bill. Paige drove the BMW to Gateway mall and while shopping she lost the car key. We had to mail her another set of keys so the car had to stay there. It was in their parking garage that had security, so we weren't worried. FedX had some mechanical problems so the key arrived a day later than it should have. Key in hand she went to Salt Lake, excited to finally have a car to drive again. Despite the security, the car was not secure and someone had slashed the soft top cover to get the backpack that was sitting on the back seat. The top had to be replaced. She's at BYUI right now, and we don't let her drive.
The cloud of misfortune doesn't seem to be just with cars. Paige found a ride from Rexburg to Provo for the President's day weekend so she could finally go snowboarding. The day was beautiful, and she had recently been snowboarding so she felt confident with her skills. After an hour on the mountain they decided to play on some of the jumps. On the chair lift ride up Byron coached Paige on the fine art of jumps, the approach, the launch, the landing. It was an intermediate level jump, but she had been on some small ones and thought she was ready for this. Off the lift, and down to the park area they went. It's a one at a time event, so the group of riders stopped and Paige was selected to go first. I wasn't there and I don't know what she was thinking, but it obviously wasn't "I'm afraid". She headed for the jump picking up speed as she went. Oh, did someone forget to tell her to check her speed? Did she not bother to think of it herself? Wasn't she the least bit intimidated by this small ramp that would launch her into the air? Guess not. Paige LAUNCHED about 5 feet into the air and unable to get her board underneath her came straight down on her butt cheek and back. No one saw the landing because they were above her but her bruises mark the impact point. She laid in the snow coaching herself to not pass out, and willing herself to breathe. Paige rode down the mountain, in pain, on her own and is grateful she didn't break her back.
Back to Trouble. I could write a couple of pages on the Paige and Trouble, but it would intrude on her private life, and I don't really have time nor the strength to revisit it all. The bottom line is that Trouble seems to follow her where ever she goes. It's making her miserable. Being home every weekend is safe, and Trouble has to be content to lurking in a corner, but being home all the time is boring. The question is, will Trouble persist and follow her around forever, or will it leave her alone and let her have pure, unadulterated, fun? Paigiebutter, I love you, and for your sake I hope so.

A New Hobby

My new hobby is actually an old one. I love quilts. I have always loved quilts. I love the patterns and colors, and I love to sew so it is only natural that I would choose quilting as a hobby. One of my good friends, Christine, is a quilter. I loved looking at all of her quilts, but could only dream about actually making one. I have made quilts before, but it was only from looking at them and copying the idea. I had never taken a class or learned any techniques. This has all changed. The first thing I did was join Christine's quilt group. This was very intimidating since I knew how limited I was in this field. The second thing I did was join Christine's beginning quilt class. A little knowledge is so helpful! Christine and I visited a quilting shop that sponsored a crazy quilt class. This was the last straw - I love crazy quilts and just had to learn how to do it! I signed up for a crazy quilt class! In the same shop was a Valentine's table runner that I loved. It would be a good practice class before the crazy quilt class and it was only $10 so I signed up for that too. The table runner is complete and I have 5 other projects started. Yep, I'm hooked, and I love it.

Christmas Eve 2008

When our trip to New York was in it's planning stages I looked for a Christmas Eve venue since we wouldn't be with family for the traditional dinner and program. Radio City Music Hall seemed like the perfect choice. It was highly recommended and was 100% Christmas. A quick tap of the keys, a scroll down the dates and voila! Tickets were purchased for Christmas Eve matinee show! Christmas Eve arrived; the last day of our trip. We hadn't gone ice skating in Rockefeller Plaza so that and Radio City Music Hall were the big events on the agenda. First stop, Radio City. It felt good to be able to go to a venue knowing that we would be able to get in because the tickets had been pre-purchased. I walked with confidence to the will-call window only to have my dreams shattered. The tickets were for November 25th, not December 25th! "No worries," the attendant said, "It happens all the time." We were directed to a nearby table where the problem was resolved and seats for the four of us were found. Whew! The costumes, music, and scenery, were all that we had hoped for, and we left grateful for the ticket resolution and happy with our choice. Next stop - Rockefeller Plaza.
Don and I decided it was safer to be spectators so we found a photo friendly vantage point where we could enjoy watching Byron and Paige skate. Paige used to figure skate so I have spent hours watching her skate and looked forward to doing it again. There is something enchanting about ice skating, and the light and sounds of New York made this particular moment was especially magical. Paige found another figure skater so they helped each other divert the other skaters so they could jump and spin. Being the athlete that he is, Byron effortlessly skated in and out of the crowd. The skate session ended and we pushed our way through the crowd that had formed behind us until we met up with the kids.
This was the end of our holiday in New York. We needed to get home so we could talk to Curtis on Christmas night. We had to be at the airport at 5 am the next morning so we headed back to our hotel, packed our bags, and went to bed. We were not going to miss this flight - and we didn't.

Agenda Items

Must do:
Go to the Manhattan Temple. This is a small temple so it is best to make an appointment. Lucky for us there was plenty of room so there was no problem. Were we on time? Of course not! Our family has a severe problem with punctuality. Lucky for us Barnes and Noble was across the street and you can kill hours in a book store. We only needed to kill one hour so off we went. We all found books that we liked, made our purchases, and settled Paige in with a cup of hot chocolate and a good book while we ventured back over to the temple. Don ate a hot dog with sauerkraut and got sick the night before so he wasn’t feeling very well. He managed to get through the session and all was well. We met back up with Paige and then headed off for our next agenda item which was shopping at Century 21. Don had had enough activity for one day so he headed back to the hotel. The rest of us rode the tracks to the Broadway and Nassau stop.
On our trip over we discovered a huge tear in my suitcase and while dressing to go out we discovered that Byron only owned sweatshirts and Paige would be much warmer if she had boots. We were on a quest for a suitcase, a coat, and boots! The date is December 23rd and the joint was packed! With the use of cell phones to find each other when we got separated we were able to find all of the items on our list plus a belt. A couple of long lines later we were out the door only to discover that the Nutcracker which we had tickets to would be starting in a half hour, so Byron went back to the hotel and we went to the Lincoln Center.
We have been to many different Nutcrackers and have found fault with all of them. New York had excellent ballet schools so certainly they must have the best Nutcracker in the US! The costuming was beautiful, the dancing superb, the children charming. But…where were the Russian dancers? They didn’t have Russian dancers! They didn’t even play the Russian music! Tchaikovsky was probably rolling over in his grave! Still, it was beautiful and we enjoyed it.